JIMMY
My last post was about my older brother, Joey and our relationship. In this post I’m going to focus on my relationship with my younger brother, Jimmy. This relationship is a lot different from the one with Joey. Let’s start off with our “spacing”….Jimmy is 25 months younger than I am. One of my earliest memories of all 3 of us was when Joey was walking home from Kindergarten one day, so I would have been 4 years old and Jimmy just 2 years old. It was a beautiful sunny day. We would sit on the front stoop waiting for Joey to round the corner down the block. I remember seeing him turn that corner, and Jimmy and I taking off down the sidewalk calling his name. We were so excited he was coming home from school! I think my mom was already exhausted for the day, and it was probably only Noon. Remember half-day Kindergarten? Is that even a thing anymore?
Well, when Joey was at school, Jimmy and I got to spend loads of time together. He was my little buddy. And I could pretty much talk him in to anything, like dress-up. I remember having these little snap beads that you could make into a necklace or a bracelet that I put on Jimmy with one of my dresses. Oooo….Dad was pissed when he saw pictures of that! Mom got in trouble for allowing me to dress Jimmy up. Ironically, it was a few years later that Joey would done a dress, wig, heels and purse to entertain my friends and me, but he never got in trouble for it. Who knows, it was the late 70’s/early 80’s.
Anyway, Jimmy was the quiet child. He always seemed like he was in his own little world. He’d follow along where he was told to go. Didn’t talk much. He almost seemed disinterested in things around him. He was also very curious about how things worked — this is why he is such a great mechanic today.
When he was about 3 years old, our parents discovered pencil drawings going up the staircase wall. They were drawings of spiders. It was very clearly Jimmy’s handy work. So, what could they do, they had to punish him, right? Mom said they didn’t want to spank him because “he was just so cute”. Tell me he wasn’t her favorite! So, they decided to put him in the corner in the dining room for a time out. Well, most kids would pitch a fit over this, not Jimmy, no he went right into the corner and stood there, quietly for a long time too. So long a time that my parents realized it was too quiet and they needed to investigate. There were two openings to the dining room, one off the foyer and one off the kitchen. Dad decided to creep around from the foyer to see what was what…..Jimmy was standing in the same corner, very quietly….drawing spiders on the wall! The thing he was being punished for! Apparently they should have given him a “pat-down” as he had the tiniest pencil in his pants pocket that was just the right size for his tiny 3 year old hand. I’m pretty sure those “spiders” lived on those walls until we were teenagers.
I’d go so far as to say that Jimmy was Joey’s shadow. Everything Joey did, Jimmy wanted to do. Of course, baseball was very important, and Joey would teach Jimmy how to pitch curve balls and knuckle balls. They’d walk up to the elementary school fields and practice hitting. Basketball was in the mix for a while too, they’d go to the same elementary school and play pick-up ball with anyone they could find. They were mischievous together too, like when I’d fall asleep on the couch at Granny’s after school, they would get a bowl of hot water and a bowl of cold water to put my hand in to see if I’d pee myself. Yeah. It never worked, they made too much noise! Of course Jimmy didn’t need Joey to encourage him as he was a delinquent enough on his own. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t a “bad kid” he just did things that we weren’t supposed to do — we all did. I cussed. Joey dipped and drank beer. Well, Jimmy did those things too, but Jimmy also smoked. I remember catching Jimmy smoking when he was 14 years old, I was so pissed at him. I remember grabbing him and shoving him into a wall, and cussing him out. I also remember telling him that he was a disappointment. Ugh! That was so wrong of me. I mean, shit, I was parenting him! That wasn’t my place. But I didn’t tell on him either. I guess I figured that Joey and I gave him a hard enough time about it that he’d stop. Nope. The next time I “caught” him smoking was on his wedding night at the after reception gathering at a bar, he was 25 years old. Sneaky bastard kept it hidden for over 10 years — he always blamed other people for smelling like smoke, and I believed him. Now, I wasn’t naive enough to believe that my brother wasn’t dipping or drinking or even experimenting with drugs, but when it came to smoking cigarettes I was. So, why did it bother me so much? All I can think is that our grandfather died of Lung Cancer in 1978, and I was worried Jimmy would get cancer. Plus our dad was through his own cancer battle. I didn’t want that for Jimmy.
As I’ve said, Jimmy pretty much kept to himself. And when Joey graduated from high school, Jimmy came to me and said, “Don’t worry. I’ll take Joey’s place and protect you now.” I remember thinking, “shit, I’m never going to get a boyfriend!” That’s all I needed was my little brother scaring off any potential suitors. To be honest, I don’t think he every ran any guys off. That just wasn’t Jimmy. Besides, he was doing his thing with his friends….mostly baseball. I do remember being responsible for picking him up after baseball practice until he was old enough to drive. Our parents couldn’t wait for all 3 of us to drive! Firstly, they didn’t have to listen to who go “shotgun” in the car. Secondly, it freed them up for having to play chauffer. And thirdly they didn’t have to listen to us bicker in the car. Anyway, I didn’t mind driving Jimmy around, like I said he was fairly quiet and just went with the flow.
I feel like there is a bit of a gap in my memory after I graduated from high school. I know that Jimmy met his future wife, Jane, when he was a Junior. They dated for a short time, then dated other people, but they were drawn to one another. Jane even married someone else right after she graduated from high school. Jimmy was devastated by that. He felt he had lost his shot. I know that during all this time, he was busy working for Joey. I also know that Jimmy struggled a lot in high school. Well, he had struggled all through his education. Being that we went to Catholic school for elementary and middle school, I don’t think they had the resources to diagnose his Learning Disability. For a while when Jimmy was little he had to go a couple times a week to the eye doctor’s office for eye exercises. It was a waste of time, though, there hasn’t ever been anything wrong with his eyes. I believe he was final somewhat diagnosed with a form of Dyslexia. Makes sense, our dad also had a form of Dyslexia. Nowadays I think it’s call Dysgraphia. I don’t know anything about it other than it made school very hard for Jimmy (and my dad). He would get put on restriction because his grades were bad, but it didn’t help. I don’t think it was for lack of trying, though I think at some point he simply gave up because no matter how hard he tried, he just didn’t “get it”. His brain is wired differently.
So, academics just wasn’t Jimmy’s thing. That’s not to say that he’s not smart or good at other things. He was naturally talented at baseball and swimming. I think he still holds some swim records at GARC. He could easily bat right or left handed when most kids couldn’t even contemplate doing such a thing. He could drive a skid-loader at like 12 years old (Joey could drive a car at 10 years old) — Jimmy ran a skid loader in the winter when it would snow by loading the plow trucks with sand. There is even a story of him burying a car when he “cleaned” a parking garage deck by dumping the snow over the edge with the loader, unbeknownst to Jimmy there was a Volkswagen Bug park right where he dropped the many buckets-full of snow. I think there is a cautionary tale here about looking before you pile the snow or dirt or sand. At least it was snow, it eventually melted.
And he was curious about how things worked. Do any of you know what a manual drill is? Well, Jimmy didn’t either, but our dad had one the he left on the kitchen table for a few days. It’s fun the play with, just spinning the thingy while holding the handle, and watching the drill spin. Yeah. So, Jimmy wanted to see exactly how it worked….and he did, by drilling into the seat of the kitchen chairs. Not just one chair….chairs! Obviously he was fascinated. He was also constantly taking things apart and trying to figure out how to put them back together. I distinctly remember a clock radio being in pieces. Ok, I don’t know what ended up happening to the clock radio, that’s a question for Jimmy. He also excelled in auto mechanics and “shop” in high school — I still have a couple of things that he made too. After high school, he was committed to working for Joey because there was no way he was going to torture himself by going to college. Jimmy was a good landscaper, and he learned a lot from Joey, but like many have said in the past, it’s not always sunshine and roses working for or with family. A crack started to strain the foundation of Joey and Jimmy’s relationship. I don’t know if it was Jimmy wanting more independence or figuring out how to make his own way, but he decided to go to trade school. During the day, he would work for Joey running a crew, then he would rush off the school until about 10pm. He did this for a year. I think he only got Christmas off from school. It was an intense program. But when he graduated he was a Certified Mechanic. He got a job right away working for a Chrysler dealership. And he loved it! He stayed at that dealership for a few years then moved over to Koons Chrysler in Tyson’s Corner where he’s been ever since. His commute sucks, but he loves his job.
These life changes happened for Jimmy in his early 20’s. By the time he was 23 years old, he had purchased his first home. He was engaged to Jane and planning his wedding. Ok. Jane was planning the wedding, Jimmy was nodding his head in agreement. It was a stressful time too, our dad’s cancer had come back. Just two weeks before Jimmy and Jane’s wedding the doctor’s biopsied our dad’s lung by going through his ribcage from his side (I want to say his right side, but that’s a detail that doesn’t really matter). Dad put on a brave face for Jimmy and Jane even though he was in tremendous pain. And the week before their wedding, I got engaged to John. Lot’s was happening. At Rehearsal Jimmy walked up to me and told me not to steal their thunder, it was their wedding and the day was about them. That was fine by me, though I did manage to catch the bouquet. Ironically, at my wedding a few months later, Jimmy and Jane announced that they were pregnant. Just saying…they could have waited! I mean really? Naw, I thought it was awesome news!
Over time Jimmy and Joey healed their relationship and moved forward. Their families hung out together a lot. Marilyn and Jane shopped and did scrapbooking together. Jimmy’s daughter, Maddie, was the first niece. The day Jane gave birth, my dad kept calling Mom at work pestering her to get home so they could go to the hospital to see her. Mom later said when she showed up, Dad was pacing up and down the driveway! And Jimmy was just as elated. I remember him holding her, looking at me and saying, “Isn’t she cool?!?! She’s just the coolest thing ever!” He still feels that way about her. Rightfully so! She’s an amazing young woman. Sweet, smart, beautiful, compassionate, patient…oh, so patient! Unfortunately, our dad had passed when Nicholas came along 4 years later. He was all boy! Like a little bulldozer, on the move, knocking things out of his way. But he’s also like Jimmy when it comes to quietly thinking about things and loving baseball. I know, the Leckert family and baseball, it’s crazy. I blame our parents. And if Joey and Jimmy hadn’t been so talented of players. Ok. I blame them too.
Unfortunately, too, Jimmy’s marriage to Jane did not work out, but they try hard to work together to co-parent Maddie and Nicholas. They seem to be friends and still care about one another, they just can’t be together. And that’s ok. I know Jimmy has struggled to navigate the world without a partner, but he’s trying. I’ll be honest, I worry about him more than I worry about Joey. There’s a couple of reasons for it….#1) He’s my baby brother and #2) He was diagnosed with cancer several years ago.
That call. I will never forget it. It was awful. The last person in the world I wanted to get cancer was Jimmy (or anyone I’m related to). I screamed and cried. How could this happen? It wasn’t fair, dammit! We had already lost our parents (and our grandfather) to cancer. Besides Jimmy was 40/42. He’s too young. It’s bullshit! Apparently, Jimmy had some lumps on his head that wouldn’t go away. He also had a cut or two that wouldn’t heal, for like weeks. Something was wrong. Jane made Jimmy go to the family doctor who referred him to a Hematologist Oncologist. She diagnosed him with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL). I think we were all freaked out about the Lymphocytic aspect of his diagnosis, I mean our dad died of Lymphoma. But now, it’s different. I don’t fully understand it, but it has to do with his white blood cell count. The doctor told him it’s a “livable” cancer and that it will likely never go away. Meaning no remission. Of course there is non-stop cancer experiments and new drugs on the market all the time, low and behold there was a new drug that had just come out at the time of his diagnosis. But first they had to follow protocol. And before you ask, we did ask how he got this cancer. They didn’t really have an answer, though they said that the smoking was not a factor. This is a cancer that can be caused by exposure to chemicals, like Round-Up. So, maybe he was exposed to something carcinogenic. Anyway, after a couple of years of following “protocol” which wasn’t working, they put him on the new drug. And just today Jimmy called to tell me that they think it’s working and he won’t have to take it much longer. Within the next month they plan to test this theory. He will still have to go once a month for infusion of white blood cell protein, kind of like a booster to help him stave off infections. Jimmy get’s cut a work pretty easily and since he has a compromised immune system, he can get an infection with the snap of a finger. So, the infusion helps.
As you can see, I have reason to worry about him. But he’s an adult, I can’t baby him forever. You know, I find myself calling Jakob “Jimmy” and vis-versa. That’s not good. It diminishes Jimmy as an adult, and Jakob as my child (almost an adult). I’m working on it. Jimmy and I talk on the phone several times a week — he calls me on his was home from work just to shoot the shit. Just like Mom used to. Jimmy thinks he’s like our dad. That’s probably true simply because they were both the youngest siblings. Jimmy also thinks that we (Joey and I) think he’s stupid. Not at all. I really think he’s very smart. I’m pretty sure he could rebuild a car engine blindfolded. I mean the dealership he works for gives him the hardest, most challenging problem cars. Do I think he’s done or said stupid things over the years? Yeah. Who hasn’t? I mean, I’ve let him get under my skin more than once and lashed out at other people because of it.
At the end of the day, I want good things for BOTH my brothers. They are genuinely good people. We don’t agree on everything. We don’t have to. We may have been raised by the same people, but we had vastly different experiences. I’ve asked Joey over the years, “remember when…” His response is often, “No”. Jimmy will ask me, “remember when…” My answer is usually, “No.” Different experiences. Different memories. Different realities. I will say the thing I remember the most, and being the most jealous of, was their bond. Brothers have a bond with one another that a brother and sister just don’t have. And since I didn’t have a sister, I don’t know what a sisterly bond should look like either, but I’ve seen it, and it makes me envious. Those that have it are very fortunate. And I think I’m fortunate because I have 2 brothers who keep me on my toes and push me to be understanding and compassionate, even when they drive me crazy.