For those of you who don’t already know, I have 2 brothers — my older brother, Joey, and my younger brother, Jimmy. That’s right, I’m sandwiched right in the middle. And no, I don’t have any sisters, except through marriage. Which I’ll be honest, I’m kind of glad about. Of course, I don’t really know how my life would be different if I did have a sister growing up, but I do know that the sisters-in-law relationships have not always been great. Don’t get me wrong, I love all of my sisters-in-laws but we tend to have “tension” in our relationships. Honestly, I think it’s because we are all “strong willed women” which lends itself to “fighting” over the top spot. But I digress, this is about my brothers and me.
JOEY
My older brother by 15 months and probably the source of much consternation growing up in my life, Joey was the first to do most things or at least figure out stuff first. Take for instance Santa Claus…..yeah, Joey figured it out around age 11 by catching our Mom putting presents under the tree that year. Of course, he told me about it as soon as he could. It’s okay, though, Mom kept Santa alive even when we were in our late 20’s.
Joey definitely had a lot of responsibility placed upon his shoulders when we were young kids. We were what you’d call “Latch-Key Kids” — we’d walk home from school to our Grandmother’s house. Joey was the key keeper, and most times he’d forget the key. So, we became adept at breaking into Granny’s house….usually by pushing Jimmy through a window that we somehow managed to open. Even in the summer we would walk to Granny’s house from the pool after early morning swim practice — practice would end around 9am and the pool didn’t open until 11am, so we’d have to walk to Granny’s to hang out for a couple of hours. We’d cross over Little River Turnpike in Annandale from GARC (Greater Annandale Rec Center), cut through the apartment complex then slug up the hill to her house. I don’t know how long of a walk it was, at least a mile, but ugh it sucked! Mind you, we were all pretty young because we didn’t even move to a swimming pool close to our home until I was 11 years old. Then we’d head back to the pool around 11:00 and spend the day there until Mom or Dad came to pick us up, around 4 or 5pm. No babysitter. Just the three of us. I think it was a lot of pressure for Joey to be responsible for his little sister and little brother. And I know he felt he had to keep us entertained — we’d play tag or hide & seek, wrestle, football, baseball (never soccer) — hot box mostly. It was good fun! A lot of that obviously changed as we got older, especially when Joey hit 9th grade. It was the first time the three of us had been apart for school, really.
Joey changed a lot that first year of high school, as I think most kids do. I think he felt like he wasn’t a “kid” anymore. Besides he had been at Catholic school for the last 8 years, now this was PUBLIC school and he could let loose. Honestly, I thought he turned into a jerk. In retrospect, he was just growing up, being a teenager. And he was leaving Jimmy and I behind (at least that’s how it felt, and I was mad at him for it). Joey liked to party and have fun in high school, he’d take risks that I’d never even consider. He liked the pretty girls. He played practical jokes on his friends. He was known for giving atomic wedgies (I felt sorry for anyone on the receiving end of those). On occasion he’d toss a guy in a girls bathroom, just for fun. He was an amazing baseball player. He wore red sweatpants almost everyday to school his senior year. And he’d defend and protect anyone who he cared about — there was a guy, I think his name was John, who was picked on because he was handicapped, and Joey was always kind to him and protected him. Joey also kept any guy who would show any interest in me at bay….this is why I didn’t date until MY senior year, and even then I had to ask the guy out. I clearly remember Joey walking up to a guy (another John, I think) that was talking to me at my locker one day and saying, “Why are you talking to my sister?” or something like that. The guy was dumbfounded, stuttering and slinked away. I was incredulous!
Being so close in age, Joey and I have shared a lot of good things and not-so-good things. We fought a LOT growing up, especially in our teens and twenties. You see, Joey married his high school sweetheart, Marilyn when he was 22 and she was 20 years old. Young. I was envious (that’s a topic for another day). Marilyn and I did not always get along or like each other. Leading up to their wedding, she and I fought (stupidly) over the dip-dying of the bridesmaid shoes, and she kicked me out of the wedding. I was NOT behaving kindly, and I totally deserved it! But my dad talked her into letting me back in as a bridesmaid since I am Joey’s only sister. Marilyn conceded. But that wasn’t the end of the wedding drama. The day of the wedding, I had gone to purchase a video camera for them to take on their honeymoon, it was a gift that a few of us in the bridal party went in on together, so I had to wait until I had all the funds in hand for the purchase. This made me late, along with another bridesmaid, to the Maid of Honor’s house for pre-wedding make-up and hair then photos. Dumb, I know! Then after the ceremony at the church, I had no ride to the reception as we (bridesmaids) had ridden in the limo to the church, now Joey and Marilyn were the only ones riding in the limo — I didn’t know this until they were starting the leave the church. So, I begged a ride from one of the groomsmen (I had a crush on him anyway. Oh, Peter. So cute!). Jimmy is giving another girl a ride in his car, and we follow along behind Jimmy because he had been at the reception hall earlier in the day setting up. Presumably he knew where he was going. To give you an idea, the ceremony was at St. Michael’s in Annandale and the reception was at the Knights of Columbus in Arlington. Remember Google Maps wasn’t a thing back then either! And apparently at the time, Jimmy did not know how to get to KoC since he had been following Joey that morning and not paying attention on how to get there. Along the way, I asked the guys if they had purchased decorations for the Joey’s car when they would be leaving the reception. Nope. Now we also needed to pick some things up. Finally, we arrive at the reception. ONE HOUR LATER!!! To say that Marilyn and Joey were pissed is an understatement, and who were they pissed at…ME. I haven’t ever really figured this part out because I accepted the mistakes I had made previously and apologized for them, but I wasn’t even driving at this point. What’s worse is the two of the other groomsmen showed up even later because they had made a stop to watch a little league baseball game on the way.
Time marched on and things never really improved in my relationship with Joey (and Marilyn). Things actually got worse. Joey was busy growing his business as a landscaper and growing his family with Marilyn. They had even torn down their original home purchase and built a new house in it’s place. Marilyn gave birth to JT (the 4th Joseph T. Leckert), then Christian a year or so later (I can’t remember how far apart they are in age, not quite 2 years). They were both so adorable! Both happy babies. JT was shy and Christian was very outgoing…not much has changed. We love babies in our family, so everyone was vying to snuggle time with these two. Around this time too, Jimmy was working for Joey. And Jimmy was dating Jane. Marilyn and Jane became great friends. I felt left out…a LOT. They’d hang out together all the time. Marilyn and Jane would go shopping. I wasn’t invited. That hurt. I tell you this because what happened around this time had a lasting effect for 3 years……
One evening we (Mom, Dad, Jimmy Jane and me) we having dinner at Joey and Marilyn’s house. It was a nice evening. Marilyn made a great dinner. After dinner Mom took JT to give him a bath — this was standard, Mom always gave the kids baths after dinner. I happened to be holding Christian at the time, so I asked if he needed a bath. Before Marilyn could answer, Jimmy smart-ass-ily said he did not but didn’t offer an explanation as to why. So, I was confused and asked again. Jimmy once again answered. Finally, I said, “Marilyn, does Christian need a bath.” She said he’d had one earlier in the day, but sure he could have another one. Jimmy, being ever so polite, “See, I told you.” That PISSED me off! It felt like he was trying to embarrass me and I was just trying to help. I was getting upset, fast! So, I turned to Jimmy and told him to “take the baby.” Then I walked upstairs to the bathroom where my mom was bathing JT. I wasn’t quiet in my “bitching” about what just happened….my voice carried downstairs. I was over-reacting for sure. Marilyn made her way upstairs to let me know too. But I wasn’t having it and we argued. I got so pissed that I said to Marilyn, “you finally got what you want!” and I stormed out of the house. Yeah. No one came after me. It was very dramatic and over the top.
No one talked to me for a couple of weeks. Joey wouldn’t return my phone calls. I was stewing for sure about the situation and would NOT accept any responsibility for what happened. Pride. Stupid fucking pride. So, when Easter rolled around a couple of weeks later, I went like any other family function to my Aunt Beth and Uncle Donnie’s house for dinner. Everyone would normally converge on their house around 3pm. I showed up first, which never happens. Then my parents arrived….I tried to talk with them about the situation, you know, I wanted them to side with me. I think they were embarrassed and disappointed in my behavior, they didn’t say much. Joey and his family arrived. I remember them walking into the kitchen. Mom was excited to see her grandbabies. I walked right up to Joey and said, “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you. Why haven’t you called me back?” His response broke me, “why would I? After the way you talked to my wife? I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” Oooph…everyone heard him say this to me. I was shocked! And I deserved it. So, what else could I do? I walked out. Yeah. No one came after me. And for about 3 years Joey and Marilyn avoided me, kept their kids away from me, and didn’t invite me to anything (kid’s birthdays, cookouts/dinners at their house, etc.).
Things changed when our dad got sick. Joey would at least say “hi” to me, but we didn’t really speak beyond that. And that was tough. He was mad at me. I was mad at him. We were mad because we were hurt and disappointed in one another. It sucked. I missed out on JT and Christian being toddlers. Our parents were being forced to choose, and well they chose their grandkids. They just wanted peace. And when Dad got sick again (around his bone marrow transplant) I made the decision to try to make amends. I invited Marilyn to lunch where I apologized for my behavior at their wedding, for things I said over the years, etc. Then I asked her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, to which she agreed. Imagine my disappointment when John asked Joey to be a groomsmen, and Joey’s response was “No. She ruined my wedding.” Nor would Joey allow JT to be our ring bearer. That stung. But then again, I hadn’t apologized to Joey. You see, we never really did that…apologize to one another for something we’ve done to hurt the other. I’ve not apologized to him. And he’s not apologized to me. Even to this day.
For a long time we just kind of avoided one another. Sure we’d “speak” to one another, but there wasn’t much substance to it. I remember being afraid to tell him about my Depression diagnosis because I thought he’ll never let me near my nephews, he’ll think I would hurt them and that I’m crazy. Well, truth be told, he told me in high school he thought I was Manic Depressive — I’m not, I have Clinical Depression. But he wasn’t far off the mark. Things slowly improved over time, I think a couple of things contributed to this…#1 being John, and #2 being our Dad dying. Remember, Joey came to my rescue when my aunt wanted me kicked out of my parents house because I was “causing my dad’s seizures.” That’s the same brother that punched a guy in high school for pinching my ass. He was protecting me.
But John and his relationship with Joey started with flatulence….if you know Joey, this won’t come as much of a shock. I don’t know if Joey has gastro-intestinal issues, but he sure has a LOT of gas. And I’ll be honest, because of him I HATE the word Fart — that’s the F-word to me. As kids he would walk past me while I was eating and “toot” in my face or on my plate of food. It was obnoxious. He thought it was hilarious. So, what better way could he think of to get to know my future husband than by passing gas while standing next to him. John said, “excuse me.” Let’s be honest, most people would look at Joey in disgust and think to themselves (or say out loud), “WTF?!?!” Not John. Nope. He took responsibility for Joey’s fart. That’s quite the Litmus Test if you ask me, and I think John shocked Joey (in a good way) with his response. They’ve gotten along quite well ever since.
Maybe I should add a #3 to my list of why and how things have improved in my relationship with Joey…..I moved to Texas. I remember speaking with my grandmother (Nanny — dad’s mom) once after we moved here when she told me that Joey was upset that I moved away. He never said anything. I mean, John and I told him in person that we had decided to move. Sure Joey was surprised, but he seemed supportive. Apparently he was hiding how he really felt because he told our grandmother, “I’ve lost both my parents, now I’m losing my sister.” I thought that was an odd thing to say because 1) I wasn’t dying, and 2) we didn’t exactly hang out together. I guess just knowing I was an hour away gave him some comfort. Now I’m a 3 hour flight away. Of course, he hasn’t come to visit us in the 14 years we’ve lived here and he probably never will. But I’ve been back to Virginia several times, and Joey always lets me/us stay at his house.
Unfortunately, his marriage to Marilyn did not work out. I don’t know all the particulars, but I suspect that as they “grew up” they changed. I know the loss of our parents has had a profound effect on me, so I’m certain it has on Joey as well. He is very driven for success. He wants to provide for his 3 children — did I forget to mention my beautiful niece, Olivia. Oh, she’s is gorgeous and so sweet, but can have a wicked sense of humor like her dad! Definitely the apple of Joey’s eye! He changed a lot when she was born, he softened a little. Girls have that effect on their dad’s. But it’s all 3 of his kids that drive him to be successful. He’s grown his landscaping business from mowing lawns, to doing hardscapes and ponds, even swimming pools. He has a flare for design. People are drawn to his personality and his work ethic. He’s normally up at 4am and works until late at night.
Nowadays, we work hard to have a good relationship. We talk on the phone often, at least once every 2 weeks. We always tell each other that we love one another, something we rarely did growing up or when I lived in Virginia. As kids we’d say “Good night, love you, see you tomorrow”. It was more of a nightly ritual than with actual meaning behind it. Now, we say, “I love you” every time before we hang up, and we mean it. Even if I disagree with something he says or does, at the end of the day, I love him, and I want him to know that I really do. He’s my big brother.