How does the saying go, “I wasn’t born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could”? That’s John and I. We made the decision to move to Texas in December 2005, but why? Well, there were a few reasons…
As you know, after we got married we had a house built in Bealeton, VA. It was a great piece of property with over 2 acres of land, but with it came a few unforeseen stressors. Firstly, John was always commuting. He would leave the house at 5:30am to drive 30 minutes into Manassas to catch the train, then he’d ride the train for an hour into Washington, DC. Then he’d reverse that route home in the evenings. If we were lucky, he’d be home by 7pm — unless the train broke down, then it’d be closer to 9pm. Monday thru Friday he’d be gone and on the weekends he wanted to sleep from the exhaustion of it. And when he wasn’t sleeping, he was cranky. Who wouldn’t be? I remember once saying to him that he was arguing with a 2-year old when Jakob wasn’t listening to him. John was just so tired.
Living at the end of a dirt road with only a handful of neighbors is very isolating and I was lonely. Yeah, I had Jazzercise friends and my next door neighbor, but for the most part I was alone, raising Jakob except for a couple of hours a day that John would be “awake”. Living in the boonies wasn’t working for us as a family, and we couldn’t afford to move “closer in” to make John’s commute any shorter.
Moreover, John’s boss was refusing to give John a “bump” in his GS rating (government employee rating system) which would have also given him a much needed raise. His boss wouldn’t give him the “promotion” because John doesn’t have a college degree. This is ridiculous because John more than deserved the raise based on his ability to do the job and his tenure with the government. As luck would have it, one of John’s former boss’ had moved to Texas for a tech job and kept in touch with John. He liked John so much, that he told John in one of their phone conversations, “I get first right of refusal.” Meaning, if John started looking for a new job, this guy wanted him. But we’d have to move to Texas.
Well, I wasn’t ready for that. I mean how could I leave my family. All I had ever known was Northern Virginia. I did like Texas, though. I had been to the great state for a business trip a few years before I met John, and I liked it a LOT. And John had lived in Texas for a short bit during his military service. Plus it’s kind of in the middle of the country….John’s family lives on the west coast, my family on the east coast, it could be a compromise. But I still wasn’t ready….until Christmas.
As you know, both of my parents were gone by the end of 2005. They were the glue that held our family together. Gone were the Sunday family dinners. Holiday traditions were changing but not changing. On Christmas Day it was tradition to go to my Aunt Beth and Uncle Donnie’s house around 3pm for dinner and gift exchange. We had been doing this since we were kids (back then we’d celebrate at Granny’s house, but as the family grew Donnie and Beth had the largest house to accommodate our large family). I’ll be honest, I never enjoyed these gatherings (even as a kid). It was complete chaos. For me it was always over-stimulating and exhausting, but my parents were a sort of “buffer” for me. As I’ve mentioned previously, I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my relatives. I always felt like I was being “tolerated” by them, but that I wasn’t really welcomed at family functions. So, Christmas rolls around and out of obligation John, Jakob and I were invited, and out of obligation we went. I feel the tension build in my body as we drive to their house, and when we arrive I’m already on guard. Remember I’ve grown up feeling bullied, picked-on, teased, ridiculed, mocked, what-have-you at these family gatherings, so I don’t want to go. But it’s important for Jakob to have family connections. I don’t even think we were there an hour when my then sister-in-law vocalized her disapporval because I was “dreaming” about remodeling our house (we had made some design choices during construction that I wish we had not made, so I was thinking aloud of the changes we’d like to make). She said something along the lines of “you only have one kid and you haven’t lived there long enough to make changes.” It was said with such venom that I was afraid to speak the rest of the evening. But that was it. I was DONE. When we left a few hours later, we were barely out of the neighborhood when I told John that I was ready to move to Texas. So, a few days later John called his former boss who said, “give me six months”. He had to create the job and get the budget approved for the new fiscal year.
In June we put our house on the market, flew to Texas to house hunt one weekend, then returned home to start the packing process. We sold most of our furniture. Filled an 18-wheeler moving truck, and headed south west. On July 8, 2006 we officially moved into our home in Flower Mound, Texas.
Have we ever regretted the move? No. Don’t we want to move back to Virginia? No. What about California? No way. We’ve been back to NOVA, and every time we visit we say to ourselves, “I’m so glad we moved! I don’t miss the traffic congestion.” Last time we were there a whole new toll system was being set up for Rt. 495, which was super confusing. And on Rt. 66 you have to be HOV compliant from the beltway to DC. Too many rules to follow and understand. Too many cars on the road, even in the middle of the day. When we first moved to Texas, John’s commute was 30 minutes each way. We thought that was great! People down here thought we were crazy for thinking it was a short commute. Anything over 15 minutes was considered long. Ha! Now, John’s commute is a few seconds — from the bedroom to the kitchen for coffee to the office. Ok, the kitchen stop-off makes it a longer commute, but John handles it in stride. The only congestion now is when the dogs surround him begging for food as he goes to make his coffee. And I love having him work out of the house! Most days we get to eat lunch together. I can get a mid-day hug and kiss. We are extremely blessed. I sometimes wonder what our lives would be like had we stayed in Virginia….I don’t think it would have turned out too well. For one, I think we would have divorced. He was tired all the time with the commute from hell, and I was lonely and single-parenting. I think we would have come to resent one another which could have easily turned us against one another.
Was it an easy transition to Texas? I don’t know, sort of. John has lived all over the world, so he definitely adjusted quicker than I did. I had barely ever travelled, even beyond the east coast, so I struggled a bit more. We were fortunate to move into a small neighborhood with lots of kids Jakob’s age — I remember looking for basketball hoops and bicycles when we were house hunting to figure out if there were kids in the neighborhood. I also jumped right into attending Jazzercise classes, then teaching around the metroplex which helped me meet people. But yeah, the first few months were extremely stressful because I was alone and had no friends. We survived though.
And in living here the stress of family gatherings has been removed — they don’t have to feel obligated to invite us to anything, and we don’t feel obligated to attend. I’d call that a win-win.